Tonight was the Forum, our submissive support group. We all brought food and shared, it's a good thing when you put a group of submissive/slaves today with the food they have produced, it's times like the holidays when i hate the fact that i can't really eat sugar....fortunately some of the things that were brought i was able to eat, yummmmm.
The topic tonight was:
Blessings, they come in so many shapes and packaging. Some seem obvious up front, others take time and perspective to appreciate. Often it is the difficult ones that push us to grow. How have blessings shaped your life during the past year? How will you bless the people you touch during the year to come? Come join a wonderful group of people as we share the reality of submission.
It was a small group tonight, only 10 people, we usually number 20-25. I don't usually share much, i've always held back, but tonight, the topic, the smaller group, and the fact that i've finally come to terms with my ex prompted me to speak. i shared almost everything, many were surprised to find out that i am bi, i keep that pretty close to the chest, they were especially surprised that i had actually fallen in love, they all know that i keep people at a distance, most of them have watched me the last couple of months as i struggled with my loss, several actually approached me to tell me they were sorry for my loss and to encourage me to open myself up again to love. While i have FINALLY come to terms with the loss i'm not ready to let myself be open to that type of deception again, that's not to say that i'm not open to a relationship with another woman, i'm just not going to allow myself to get that close again, and never in a long distance relationship. But i will not deny that i miss her, more than i thought possible, we were SO perfect together until that very last bit, i so want to find that again, with someone else, i'm praying that that can happen.,
Now, i promised my ex that i wouldn't bash her on here, i don't think of this as bashing, it's just an accounting of what i feel. i wouldn't even have brought it up tonight but i do think that i learned from this experience, i've grown, and one day i'll be able to do it again. In the meantime, i'm all about the physical relationship, THAT i'm not willing to give up. i'm just not ready for a full on relationship again. i have Sir to fill those shoes, i love Him with all my being, and that will be plenty until i'm ready to open up again.
sister slave said that she knows i will go that way again, that as a giving person i can't shut myself off like that. she has watched me fall apart and has always been there to pull me back together. It's really too bad that we are so close, more like family, i know that her Master would love for the two of us to hit it off physically, sorry Sir, she's too much like my sister!
So, with that i'm out, it's already after 11 and i'm beat (i wish :) Sir wanted to scene but then remembered that i had my meeting tonight...hopefully tomorrow) i'm feeling the moon pulling on me, i truly hate this part of my illness, i'm always a mess for 3 nights of the month. i'm going to go and try to get some sleep.
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