Very True Words

This was posted by a friend on Fet...it really rang true with me, OBVIOUSLY we must trust our partner.....but we must trust our partner in a vanilla relationship, we need to choose the best people for us to be with, be they vanilla or D/s...i'm not going to credit the person who wrote this because i'm not sure they would want the credit outside of Fet, if you are that curious message me and i'll get permission to pass the name on.

My last vanilla boyfriend knew the PIN to my debit card, which he kept in his wallet, at my request. He knew all of my internet passwords, occasionally accessed my accounts for various reasons. He could enroll or unenroll me from classes in college. He could have screwed me over any one of a dozen ways. It never even would have occurred to him to do so. That's part of why I was in a relationship with him in the first place. Vanilla. Trust.

You put your life in your partner's hands every time you fall asleep in the same room with them. Don't bullshit me and tell me it takes more trust to let them hit you. If you don't trust them not to harm you, circumstance is irrelevant. The same rules apply. Trustworthiness should be something you take into consideration in every relationship you become a part of.

What we do is NOT better/stronger/deeper/more intimate/more open/more communicative/blahblahblah. Is NOT! I did not have a substandard relationship with my ex because he didn't hit me or tell me what to do. We had a relationship that was based on him and I, and that didn't include BDSM. My relationship with Dave is based on Dave and I, and it does include BDSM. Different. Period.

You think D/s makes you closer as people? That being someone's master or slave means you know each other better, communicate better? Really? Quick litmus test for how well you know someone: What do they really want for Christmas this year? Know the answer? Great, now, do you know that because their collar jingled the answer in Morse code? Because their flogger wrote it out on your ass? (Nice trick if you can do it) Or because the person you are has gotten to know the person they are and data has been transmitted from one to the other? What is kinky about that?

I will say this; if you believe power exchange allows you to be more of the person that you are, more true to your self, then the person you share it with sees more of that angle of your truth of self.

However. My ex was (I'm stealing this term) a fairness fetishist. BDSM is completely anathema to his way of thinking. A power exchange relationship would be extremely untrue to his self. Not possible for it to be better/stronger/deeper/etc. Not possible. Is not.

So. Let go of the superiority complex, people. We haven't discovered the secrets of the universe. We're just playing different music on the same instruments. That is all.