Ok, it's time for me to talk about the break up, i've held off because i knew that i would rant and not be objective. i really wanted this to be more objective than whiney. i am ready to embark on a new relationship with someone that i have met before locally, we've exchanged quite a few messages back and forth, she knows what i've been through and is still ready to step in!
My relationship with ~a~ was complicated. We met over 2 years ago via a friend that neither of us is still talking to. She was my "only" for a long time but her lifestyle really precluded us ever being able to get together. The first time that we were supposed to meet she had "emergency" surgery...i was never really sure if this was true or not...it happened just days before she was to come in town for an event. We took a break for a while, mainly because i was not comfortable with the level of promiscuity that she displayed online, yes, i'm a bit old fashioned and wasn't comfortable with the vulgar way that she portrayed herself online.
Several months later she contacted me when her relationship with her husband and poly partner fell apart in a big way, for her major drama is a way of life, for me....not so much, she was all the drama i had in my life and at a point i determined that it was just too much. My life is really very drama free (outside of her where EVERYTHING is drama filled) We parted again because her relationship online with Lisa and others was more important.
Really, at this point you would think that i would be done....but really, i had such strong feelings for her that i fell back into the trap...
At this point she has a vanilla boyfriend, she's working in her creative field and she's pretty much a vanilla girl....i can deal with that, her boyfriend is cool with us together, everything seems good...she plans to come and see me here in St Louis for our local event Spanksgiving....all is well and then she has a minor medical issue and milks it for a couple of weeks. i have spoken with her now fiancee for a while, always using her phone...the night before she was to leave i get a text from her fiancee, he doesn't think she is up to the trip, i'm being a freaking "cougar" because i want her to come, etc.....finally, being the good sub that i am i tell him that he needs to make the decision, if he doesn't feel she is able to safely come then he should keep her home. The next afternoon i get a text from her, she can't understand why i told her not to come....WTF! i never said that....seems her fiancee's brother was the one i was texting with, he erased the history and told her i didn't want her. REALLY?????? She believed this? She doesn't understand why i'm so angry at him for getting involved in our business....i hope one day he does the same to her and his brother, totally lie and drive a wedge between them.
Ok, at this point i'm done, if she was so easily manipulated to believe this crap then it is on her. Sir instructed me to have a good time at Spanks and then block her. He hates her with a passion, he loves me and has seen me at my worst after our breakup. i understand that she is a performer and that drama is her life but i'm done with that. Her life is always in chaos, she seems to thrive on it....i mean 3 husbands in 3 years, a daughter without a father, really...what kind of life is that? i'm married 28 years, 4 children, we have stability down to a "T"
She's blocked, i'm sure within the next 12 months she'll be single again, she goes through relationships like shoes and i hate to think of what her daughter will think a real relationship should be, but it's not my problem, i'm moving on, i have someone that i'm talking with, she's local, i don't think i will ever do a long distance relationship again, it's just grounds for deception.
So, this is where i am...i have someone local that i'm getting to know, i have a ton of holiday parties to go to, Sir loves me, and unlike -a- he'll be around for the long haul. So, i'm in a good place....fuck those in PA who would love for me to wallow but i'm just not in that position...i'm loving life, i have wonderful friends and family, i don't need to worry that any of them will lie, cheat, steal to ruin my life, they love me and only want the best for me.
As a sister sub to morgaine, I have been through this with her both times. I would like to be able to say that I wish (a) well, but I cannot, simply because I have seen the results of her machinations on a truly honest and special woman who opened her heart and soul to a dishonest predator.
ReplyDeleteI read something on twitter that fits this perfectly....
Letting go of someone doesn't mean you're weak, it means that you've applied the choke hold correctly and you didn't want to kill them....
and you let them go "permanently"